Love

Let me take a little time and attempt to put what I'm feeling into words,

yesterday during the chat with Pauline I felt this immense sense of magical-lity of love. It is almost going to sound disgusting, but love has the power to make you feel so so different

and when do we know when's the 'right' one for you?

I'm quite certain there isn't a proper definition for it but you can definitely feel it in you when the right one comes along. There are love of so many sorts, there may be many occasions when you thought you've found the right one, but maybe.. not just yet. And I wholeheartedly agree with tumblr quotes that reminds us again and again that none of the past relationships were mistakes, they are lessons that can teach you how to love better, and how to find who's really the one for you. Admittedly, my past experiences have taught me a lot.

I've always kept to the notion that love is all accepting - when you love someone, you accept everything about him. But then again, when there are differences (in character, attitudes, values in life, beliefs) that are difficult to reconcile, it is inevitable that the relationship would be strained in the process. I remember how much I've loved a man who didn't treat me rightly. The mixture of happiness and unhappiness in that relationship lapses me into emotional turbulence ever so frequently because it was so hard to cope with. When I was clearing my cupboards recently, I came across the many letters that the man I used to love gave - and I realized how much I've really loved him. Considering that he was my "first love", my heart was fully devoted and I dare say I've loved him to the extent that I have forgotten to love myself. It was heartbreaking to recall how much unhappy tears he had caused. Yes, I loved him so much. Yes, he loved me too. But the way of loving was all wrong. It was a selfish type of love. A love that cannot be said to be based on the foundational trust that all relationships ought to have.

And then there was another type of love. I loved a man who loved me deeply, and sincerely. One of the nicest guys I have ever known. He taught me that it was important to love myself - and he taught me how. He picked me up when I was at my lowest, and I was blessed with his unconditional love. Yet, I frequently find myself inadequate. And then I realised that I've always felt this disequilibrium in our relationship. We were actually so characterical-ly different even though our love was real. I could never feel completely me-self and there were many guesses along the way. I think the unpredictability of it created this sense of distance that I could never manage to overcome - and the numerous mood swings into unhappiness is largely caused by the inability to fully understand the person that I used to love.

Then I found out one of the most important thing in a relationship - balance. It may appear immature for me to say this given that this is only the 1 month plus into my current relationship, but I won't hesitate to say that I have found this balance. Remember that duration is not a major consideration in measuring love! The intricate workings behind a social relationship with any person must have been so mysterious. Never had I felt so strongly about someone. So certain of love. We have so much similarities in ways of thinking, attitudes in life, how often do you find this kind of 'perfect matching' characters? Obviously we do have differences as well, but the magical thing is, when these differences fully complement each other and you feel like everything is so in place. Just the right amount of everything and I feel fully comfortable and adjusted to this boy from the day 1 we got together (once again, time is not a gauge for the degree of love) and this feels so so amazing. To be honest, I have always believed that you'll love less with every relationship because the heart gets weakened and armored after every try. I am utterly wrong in this perspective, every love teaches you to love more, to be braver and stronger. The reassurances that R provides give me the confidence that my heart is in the safest and warmest hands I could ever find. I know now that loving someone can be this extraordinary, and of this much happiness. Poverty of vocabulary prevents me from expressing well enough what I am feeling deep down inside

but feeling special to someone whom you know loves you, every single day - feels incredible.

I think I know now,
Love is You.